Chip Shop

A bloke walks out of a Chip Shop, tucking into a very tasty large Cod and an extra large portion of chips and mushy peas with a liberal application of salt and vinegar. It tastes absolutely divine, pure heaven, it's the best fish and chips he's tasted in ages.

He starts up the street from the Chip Shop when having barely completed ten yards, he is brought to a momentary stand by a beggar in a shop doorway.

The beggar says to the man "I haven't eaten anything at all in two whole days!"

The man replies "I have to admit I really admire your willpower mate!", and continues on his way eating his fish and chips.

The Chemist

A Chemist returns to his shop, after he had to pop out on an errand. On returning amd entering, he finds a man leaning against the wall. He ask's his assistant "What's wrong with him?"

His assistant replies that "He came in to get something for a cough. But I couldn't find anything, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxatives instead!"

The Chemist is rather alarmed by this revellation, and say's " You bloody IDIOT! You can't treat a cough with laxatives."

Where upon his assistant replies "Sure you can! You look at him? He's too bloody terrified to cough now!"